Forum Kindness

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This post has 22 Replies | 2 Followers

Posts 267
Roger Dittmar | Forum Activity | Posted: Mon, Apr 11 2016 3:04 PM

A relatively new poster asked for help on a Friday evening shortly before 9 PM. The first helpful response was posted just after midnight. The poster was likely asleep. During the wee hours other members posted helpful responses.

But then... less than 12 hours later (still relatively early the next morning) someone hijacked the thread to publically make negative comments about the way the thread progressed and insult the OP. A positive helpful thread was ruined.

In all likelihood the OP didn't see any of the responses until after aspersions were inexplicably being thrown around.

This situation doesn't make any sense, at all. Anyone that follows the forums knows exactly what is being addressed here.

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MJ. Smith | Forum Activity | Replied: Mon, Apr 11 2016 3:08 PM

Agree.

Orthodox Bishop Hilarion Alfeyev: "To be a theologian means to have experience of a personal encounter with God through prayer and worship."

Posts 5248
Dan Francis | Forum Activity | Replied: Mon, Apr 11 2016 3:36 PM

I am not going to cast any judgements but as can happen to us all we can be less than loving in our behaviour. Try to forgive us who fail to live up to the ideal. And welcome to the forums.

-dan

Posts 960
John Goodman | Forum Activity | Replied: Mon, Apr 11 2016 3:53 PM

I think generally this is quite a friendly place - sorry if you/they had a bad experience - http://christiandiscourse.com/ on the other hand... Lightning

גַּם־חֹשֶׁךְ֮ לֹֽא־יַחְשִׁ֪יךְ מִ֫מֶּ֥ךָ וְ֭לַיְלָה כַּיּ֣וֹם יָאִ֑יר כַּ֝חֲשֵׁיכָ֗ה כָּאוֹרָֽה

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John Fidel | Forum Activity | Replied: Mon, Apr 11 2016 4:02 PM

I agree with John Goodman that this is generally a kind and helpful place to post. Unfortunately there those times when comments are less than helpful, often from the same people. To call them out usually provides them what they want, so unless the moderators have the power and desire to remove the posts or we have the option to have the software ignore certain individuals, we have to just look to the positive and ignore those that choose to be less than courteous. Lower yourself to the level of a fool and they will beat you with experience every time. Ignore them and don't give them what they want... attention.

Posts 267
Roger Dittmar | Forum Activity | Replied: Mon, Apr 11 2016 4:23 PM

John Fidel -

I totally agree with your comments.

The situation described in the OP did not happen to me. In good conscience, I couldn't just ignore it.

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John Fidel | Forum Activity | Replied: Mon, Apr 11 2016 5:14 PM

Roger, you did good by addressing it in a separate post and not calling anyone out.

Posts 77
Cliff Stumpf | Forum Activity | Replied: Mon, Apr 11 2016 6:02 PM

Thank you Roger for standing up for what is right, (i.e.) addressing the need to treat people with respect and dignity. 

Sincerely, Cliff

Posts 1937
Mark | Forum Activity | Replied: Mon, Apr 11 2016 6:44 PM

John Fidel:

Roger, you did good by addressing it in a separate post and not calling anyone out.

Yes

Posts 6321
DAL | Forum Activity | Replied: Mon, Apr 11 2016 7:09 PM

Roger (yes, I'll call you out on this one, because I like being direct and address people directly not indirectly like you just did). You sir missed the point completely! What else is new? Nothing was hijacked, it was asked ( I asked) for people to stop giving suggestions that contributed nothing until the OP gave more information. Obviously the guy asked for help and chose to ask elsewhere and leave those good people who tried to help him hanging - lack of courtesy and communication on his part (newbie or not is not right). You're focusing too much on the wrong aspect of the post, but as usual, that always happens with written communication.  But anyway, if you're so sensitive that you can't handle the truth then do me a favor don't try to make yourself out to be the mature one that's trying to set things in order and all you're really doing is encouraging behavior like the one Mr. Gabriel displayed. So someone acts inconsiderate towards the ones who are trying to help him and all he does is leave them hanging and never even bothers to check to see if he got any responses and all of the sudden I'm the bad guy for asking others to wait for his response because it's obvious that he's not even checking for replies and won't reply himself since he hasn't done that by now, has he?

Now let me ask you - how do you know the guy didn't see any responses until aspersions were being thrown around? Do you live with him to be sure about that?

Another thing, where was the insult to the OP? If you ask for help, you get it and you don't even bother to reply to say thank you or provide more information - are you not being rude? And if someone points out you're being rude (which by now it's clearer that he is) how's that an insult? That's just the plain truth.  You see, you don't make sense and all you do is get some rattled up and thank you for "standing up for the truth" when in reality all you're doing is blowing things out of proportion; things that exist only in your head. It seems like when you tell people the truth it doesn't matter how you do it, is never going to set well with them or you'll get one trying to take sides with the wrong cause (like you just did).

Nobody is perfect in these forums. I've seen even the most respectable ladies go off on other posters because they got caught in the heat of the moment. Does that mean they're not kind, not at all. The problem most of the time is not lack of kindness, is people getting too sensitive when they're confronted with the truth and they choose to get offended for no reason instead of acknowledging they're not doing things the way they're supposed to - i.e., with a little of consideration towards those who took the time to try to help.

Anyway, next time don't read too much into things, that may help keep things in perspective and keep others  from wasting their time trying to help those who don't even bother to provide more information or reply to let people know he decided to take his query somewhere else. If you think that's right to do, then you're the one who has bigger issues.

For the sake of kindness and directness!

DAL

;) :)

Posts 6321
DAL | Forum Activity | Replied: Mon, Apr 11 2016 7:13 PM

John Fidel:

Roger, you did good by addressing it in a separate post and not calling anyone out.

Sorry Fidel, but not calling people out creates confusion and encourages Roger to be a hypocrite. So please, don't encourage the wrong behavior even if you think you might be doing some good, 'cause you're not :)

Thanks!

DAL

Posts 267
Roger Dittmar | Forum Activity | Replied: Mon, Apr 11 2016 7:28 PM

DAL -

Thank you for your kind and direct feedback.

Posts 6321
DAL | Forum Activity | Replied: Mon, Apr 11 2016 7:39 PM

Roger Dittmar:

DAL -

Thank you for your kind and direct feedback.

You're welcomed! I just don't want things to get blown out of proportion when there isn't really a need to do so ;)

Posts 882
Justin Gatlin | Forum Activity | Replied: Mon, Apr 11 2016 9:46 PM

I will agree with the OP. I was embarrassed to be an active part of this forum when I saw a relatively new user berated for lacking decency and being rude because he did not reply within 12 hours. It is not at all strange - or morally culpable! - for a new user on a forum to post something and come back in two or three days to look for answers. . If I came back and saw that, I would likely not post again either. 

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Matthew C Jones | Forum Activity | Replied: Mon, Apr 11 2016 10:07 PM

DAL,

You invested nothing in that other thread to help the OP. I don't know why you insist on attacking him or those who tried to help. You should not take up offenses for those you think were wronged by the "rudeness."

iow, If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all.

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Posts 975
JohnB | Forum Activity | Replied: Tue, Apr 12 2016 4:50 AM

Justin Gatlin:

I will agree with the OP. I was embarrassed to be an active part of this forum when I saw a relatively new user berated for lacking decency and being rude because he did not reply within 12 hours. It is not at all strange - or morally culpable! - for a new user on a forum to post something and come back in two or three days to look for answers. . If I came back and saw that, I would likely not post again either. 

My thoughts precisely.

I am frustrated by the periodic sniping against FL and the assuming of the worst of motives to Bob.

Let us reserve out anger, irritation and frustration of life in general for our prayer life instead of letting it infect our online lives and affect people who we can't see.

Posts 6321
DAL | Forum Activity | Replied: Tue, Apr 12 2016 5:47 AM

Matthew C Jones:

DAL,

You invested nothing in that other thread to help the OP. I don't know why you insist on attacking him or those who tried to help. You should not take up offenses for those you think were wronged by the "rudeness."

iow, If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all.

The problem is people like you SuperTramp are too sensitive. Nobody seemed to take my comments the wrong way until you gave them a negative spin. And who are you to assume I'm attacking him or even judge the situation when you yourself have been less than kind to people in the past with your sarcasm. What, all of the sudden you grew up because you no longer go by "SuperTramp"? What, going by "Matthew" makes you holier than thou now? Sorry if me being straight forward bothers people, but I'd rather tell it like it is. So do yourself a favor, if YOU don't have anything positive to add, then don't post. This thread here was supposed to have ended last night, but look at it, it's still going and even JohnB felt the urge to add his two cents all thanks to you adding fuel to the fire. So who's really trying to calm things down, you? Please! 

Have a great day! 

DAL

Posts 774
Jack Hairston | Forum Activity | Replied: Tue, Apr 12 2016 6:09 AM

DAL:

The problem is people like you SuperTramp are too sensitive.

Pot, meet Kettle.

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DAL | Forum Activity | Replied: Tue, Apr 12 2016 6:12 AM

Jack Hairston:

DAL:

The problem is people like you SuperTramp are too sensitive.

Pot, meet Kettle.

😂 👍 Good one! Anyway I submitted a request for the threads to be deleted hopefully FL will grant the request if not we'll continue like cats and dogs just for the fun of it. 

DAL

Posts 5248
Dan Francis | Forum Activity | Replied: Tue, Apr 12 2016 11:03 AM

Personally I like the rabbit holes we chase down sometimes, I do not want a person not to get the help they seek, but sometimes the journey is worth the time. God bless you DAL and Roger, as well as everyone who tries to offer help.

-Dan

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