My mother died.

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Milkman | Forum Activity | Posted: Wed, Jun 8 2011 7:16 AM

My/our mother died Monday past at the age of 94! She was a strong and very committed believer. It was from her that we got our faith.

Before I ask this question, please forgive me for being exclusive or in any way prejudiced toward any brother/sister who reads this post.

Along with the sermon I'll be doing the interment. It's been 10 years out of the pastorate and my graveside services are on "floppies!" :) which means I can not access them.

So, if anyone could help me with a simple graveside/interment order of service I would really appreciate it.

My mother was a strong evangelical women. She loved the Lord deeply and was not afraid to share the gospel. I would prefer an order geared toward evangelicals and those who are yet Christians although most who will attend are believers.

Thank you so much in advance and please excuse me if I don't reply to your help.

'by his grace and for his glory.'

mm.

 

mm.

Posts 4508
Robert Pavich | Forum Activity | Replied: Wed, Jun 8 2011 7:25 AM

I'm sorry to hear of your loss but joyful for your mother's faith.

 

I can't provide anything in the way of procedural help...I'm a layman...I only wanted to express my support.

Robert Pavich

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Graham Criddle | Forum Activity | Replied: Wed, Jun 8 2011 7:31 AM

Hi Milkman

Sorry to hear about your loss, I will be praying for you at this time and as you take on these responsibilities at the service.

The "Minister's Manual for Funerals" (http://www.logos.com/product/7313/the-ministers-manual-for-funerals) suggests:

At Graveside

At the graveside the minister will usually take his place at the hearse and precede the casket to the grave. Then he will take his place at the head of the grave and face the family to deliver his remarks.

Following the benedicition, the minister will customarily speak quietly to the seated immediate family members before the funeral director indicates the other guests may come forward to visit with the family. As the minister speaks briefly to the individual family members, a simple word of assurance or blessing is appropriate.

I.

Opening Scriptural Sentences

Invocation

Old and New Testament Readings

Apostle’s Creed

Eulogy

Committal

Benediction

II.

Scripture

Committal

Prayer

Scriptural Benediction

Al Cadenhead, Jr, Minister's Manual for Funerals, 58 (Nashville, TN: Broadman Press, 1988). 

Hope this gets you started

Blessings, Graham

EDIT:

At a funeral service I took last year, the order of service I used at the graveside was:

 

  • Bible Reading
  • Song
  • Prayer
  • Bible Reading
  • Burial
  • Blessing

 

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Matt Hamrick | Forum Activity | Replied: Wed, Jun 8 2011 7:34 AM

I am sorry for your loss. I will keep your family in my prayers. Search your Logos library for funerals and see what you get that can help you.

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steve clark | Forum Activity | Replied: Wed, Jun 8 2011 7:35 AM

Sorry to hear about your loss, excited to hear that she is standing in the presence of Jesus!

i to lost my grandmother a few weeks back, she was 96 and also a strong believer. i am not a pastor, but knew her pastor and spent much time talking with him. He is a pastor of a rural church in Oklahoma. His speaking at the service was directed to those who do not know Christ. His graveside was directed to let all know that she was not present in the her body but was in heaven with Jesus. He used 1 Cor 15 & 1 Thes to tell of the new body that she & us who believe will receive. He pointed out several times that we will all see her soon. And we will all have new bodies which will last forever (Christians), with another short appeal for those who do not know Christ to seek/accept Him. i don't know if this is any help for you.

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Posts 611
Graham Owen | Forum Activity | Replied: Wed, Jun 8 2011 7:48 AM

Sorry to hear of your loss.

There are already some replies that answer the question of structure. In my experience there are some words that people like/expect to hear within the service. At the beginning I use a variation of the following:

“I am the resurrection and the life; he who believes in Me will live even if he dies, and everyone who lives and believes in Me will never die.”

“Do not let your heart be troubled; believe in God, believe also in Me.  In My Father’s house are many dwelling places; if it were not so, I would have told you; for I go to prepare a place for you.  If I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself, that where I am, there you may be also.  And you know the way where I am going.” 

Thomas said to Him, “Lord, we do not know where You are going, how do we know the way?” 

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me.”

“Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you.”

“Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.”

At the end, I use a variation on:

Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust in sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord when this corruptible shall put on incorruption and this mortal shall put on immortality. 

Then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written…

Death is swallowed up in victory.

O death, where is your sting?

O grave, where is your victory?

May God grant to the living, grace – to the departed, rest - to the world peace and to us, and all the faithful, eternal life.

In the rest of the service I try and keep as focused on the person who died as I can and present the Gospel from their life experiences.

Hope this helps.

God Bless

Graham

Pastor - NTCOG Basingstoke

Posts 99
jtondee | Forum Activity | Replied: Wed, Jun 8 2011 8:01 AM

I am sorry to hear about your loss, but rejoice at the hope we have all been given.  Funeral's for a Christian are truly a mysterious and wonderful thing.  Most times when I do a funeral for family or church members, my heart is truly heavy over the great loss and grief the family is experiencing. But when the funeral come, the Lord really turns my sorrow in to great joy and even  excitement as I am faced with the Eternal truth's that He reveal's Time and again.  The interment  (for me) becomes a time of celebration knowing that I am standing on resurrection ground! IT get's me excited even thinking about it now! 

When i do a funeral I try to keep the graveside as short as possible and the reading changes based on if they were born again , were not, or if its unknown either way.

 

  • Bible Reading - I usually Emphasize we are standing on resurrection ground (1 Corinthians 15:51-58) ( For a Christian)
  • Prayer - Emphasizing to those who are not Family to not just pray for them today, but continue to pray for them in the weeks and months ahead as the loss is felt sometimes to a greater extent then
  • Turn it over to the family if they have something special they would like to do
  • Blessing - Condolences to the Family

 

Your situation, with it being your Mother, will give you a unique insight on the best way to proceed. I will pray that the Lord give you the grace , strength and wisdom that is needed asyou face this sorrowful yet joyous time in the life of your family.

Posts 692
Otto S. Carroll | Forum Activity | Replied: Wed, Jun 8 2011 8:51 AM

I'm sorry for the loss of your mother.

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Rich DeRuiter | Forum Activity | Replied: Wed, Jun 8 2011 9:11 AM

Sorry to hear about your mother. Even though she is with the Lord, the rest of us are left without her (for now). We grieve, but not like those who have no hope.

Here is my 'blank' committal service. I developed it from a resource I got a long time ago from Faith Alive publications called In Life and in Death (which would make a great addition to my Logos library, BTW). I will, of course adapt this as appropriate to the individual and family, having talked with them about their wishes and preferences for the service. Of course, the written prayers may be adapted to suit your own language and style, and Scriptures can be adapted as appropriate as well.

What is expected to happen at a committal service will vary from region to region and from church tradition to church tradition. This is what works in the Pacific Northwest (we do not lower the casket with the family present here, nor do we place/remove the pall, e.g.). I usually invite family members to remain after the service as long as they wish, and to say 'good-bye' in any way that seems appropriate to them (many will simply place a flower on the casket - this too, seems regional).

Sometimes someone will want to play (on a CD) or sing a favorite song. Other times a family member may want to say a few rememberances. I usually put this in the [remarks] part of the service, but (depending on the content), it could be placed elsewhere.

When there is a committal service and a funeral or memorial service, the committal service need only be 10 or 15 minutes. The order of service below is for a committal service that either follows a funeral/memorial service or precedes one (this also varies by region).

Anyway, here is that order of service for a woman who has died:

Committal Service for [full name]

The Invitation
    Having respectfully followed the body of our sister [1st name] to this, its final resting place here on earth, let us look to God who promises us eternal life.
    We now come to the moment of final parting. There is sadness in parting, but we take comfort in the hope that one day we shall meet again when the love of Christ, which conquers all things, destroys even death itself.

The Opening Sentences of Scripture
We read in Scripture:
    Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance,
    the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world.        –Matthew 25:34

This is the will of him who sent me, that I shall lose none of all that he has given me, but raise them up at the last day.
        –John 6:39

If we live, we live to the Lord;
    and if we die, we die to the Lord.
        So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.
        –Romans 14:8

[Remarks as/if appropriate]


The Committal
    As we mark the close of the earthly pilgrimage of [full name], our sister, we commit her body to the ground, out of which we were formed, and we commit her spirit to the care of God, our Creator and Redeemer.
    We commit her grieving family and friends into God's loving arms and the care of the Christian community.
    And we commit our life and future into God's care in the sure and certain hope of the resurrection of the body through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

Where, O death, is your victory?
Where, O death, is your sting?
Thanks be to God!
He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
    – 1 Corinthians 15:55, 57

    The Lord Jesus Christ will change our mortal bodies to be like his in glory, for he is risen, the firstborn of the dead.
    So let us commend our sister [1st name] to the Lord, that He may embrace her in love and raise up her body on the last day.

Prayer(s)
Let us pray:
God of boundless compassion,
    our only sure comfort in distress,
look tenderly upon your children
    overwhelmed by loss and sorrow.
Lighten our darkness with your presence
    and assure us of your love.
Enable us to see beyond this grave and our grief
    to your eternal kingdom,
    promised to all who love you in Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Benediction
The Lord bless you and keep you;
the Lord make his face shine upon you
    and be gracious to you;
the Lord turn his face toward you
    and give you peace.
Amen.         –Numbers 6:24-26

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George Somsel | Forum Activity | Replied: Wed, Jun 8 2011 9:32 AM

Milkman:

My/our mother died Monday past at the age of 94! She was a strong and very committed believer. It was from her that we got our faith.

Before I ask this question, please forgive me for being exclusive or in any way prejudiced toward any brother/sister who reads this post.

Along with the sermon I'll be doing the interment. It's been 10 years out of the pastorate and my graveside services are on "floppies!" :) which means I can not access them.

So, if anyone could help me with a simple graveside/interment order of service I would really appreciate it.

My mother was a strong evangelical women. She loved the Lord deeply and was not afraid to share the gospel. I would prefer an order geared toward evangelicals and those who are yet Christians although most who will attend are believers.

Thank you so much in advance and please excuse me if I don't reply to your help.

'by his grace and for his glory.'

mm.

 

My condolences.  I lost my mother about 12 years ago and remember it very well.  Even today I think of her frequently.  How can I / you not think of one's mother when it is your mother who plays such a large part in forming what you are?  I would suggest one of the forms for burial from the Book of Common Prayer.  I always find them to be most appropriate.

george
gfsomsel

יְמֵי־שְׁנוֹתֵינוּ בָהֶם שִׁבְעִים שָׁנָה וְאִם בִּגְבוּרֹת שְׁמוֹנִים שָׁנָה וְרָהְבָּם עָמָל וָאָוֶן

Posts 383
Stephen Thorp | Forum Activity | Replied: Wed, Jun 8 2011 10:20 AM

I'm very sorry to hear about the death of your mother.

All the liturgy used by the Church of England is available online, including the Funeral Service, much of it can be used as is, or on a 'pick n mix' type basis. It may give you some help and a few thoughts.

http://www.churchofengland.org/prayer-worship/worship/texts/pastoral/funeral/funeral.aspx

Blessings!

Posts 8967
RIP
Matthew C Jones | Forum Activity | Replied: Wed, Jun 8 2011 10:50 AM

Milkman:
My/our mother died Monday past at the age of 94! She was a strong and very committed believer. It was from her that we got our faith.

Sad I weep for your loss and rejoice for her faithfulness. Smile

Here are two resources you may have in Logos that deal with the logistics of a memorial service;

The Broafdman Minister's Manual  by Franklin M. Segler
A Contemporary Handbook for Weddings & Funerals and Other Occasions

I know of an excellent book available in the WEA Theological Resource Library, Version 3 titled "This We Believe" (Read a description of the book halfway down the product page.) This "Pastor's Edition" includes sermon outlines after the three appendices. Chapter one of the book is "The Meaning of Life" by Ravi Zacharias. That chapter and the accompanying sermon suggestion would make a fine memorial sermon. It would honor your mother and encourage reflection by all present.

My prayers are with you.

 

 

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TCBlack | Forum Activity | Replied: Wed, Jun 8 2011 10:53 AM

Others have offered both resources and condolences.  I think the resources are adequate - but I desire to add my condolences.

I am sorry for your loss.  

In silence I sit and weep with you.

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Ward Walker | Forum Activity | Replied: Wed, Jun 8 2011 11:16 AM

Milkman, my condolences and prayers for you/your family.

Posts 249
Giovanni Baggio | Forum Activity | Replied: Wed, Jun 8 2011 11:39 AM

For whatever is worth...keep the eulogies, benediction, "apostle's creed" and all that man made structure out.

It's your MOTHER for crying out loud.  Do a simple opening and a sermon from the heart and the rest will play itself out.  I wouldn't want that "minister's manual structure" on my mother's funeral.  I would just do a simple sermon about the hope she has for being a christian and the hope you wish others could have at the time of their death.  The rest is totally pointless and unnecessary.  Why read OT and NT verses when you could just have one meaningful verse; e.g. "For me to live is Christ and to die is gain..." (Phil. 1:21).  Do it from the heart remembering who the focus is -- Your sweet and loving mother and the lesson others can learn from her death; i.e. "Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints." (Psalm 116:15).

May the Lord grant you and your loved ones the comfort only He's able to give.

Giovanni

Posts 2434
mab | Forum Activity | Replied: Wed, Jun 8 2011 11:51 AM

There's a Star Book for Ministers in my Logos library so I think it's part of the packages. It has funeral information.

Sorry for your loss. May the God of all comfort comfort you at this difficult time.

The mind of man is the mill of God, not to grind chaff, but wheat. Thomas Manton | Study hard, for the well is deep, and our brains are shallow. Richard Baxter

Posts 314
Steven L. Spencer | Forum Activity | Replied: Wed, Jun 8 2011 11:55 AM

Giovanni, I totally agree with you (and hope our dear brother follows your advice). My prayers for Milkman and his family.

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MJ. Smith | Forum Activity | Replied: Wed, Jun 8 2011 12:43 PM

You and your family are in my Prayers.

Deleted - thanks George - my memory was incorrect

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Jack Caviness | Forum Activity | Replied: Wed, Jun 8 2011 1:00 PM

Milkman:
So, if anyone could help me with a simple graveside/interment order of service I would really appreciate it.

I understand your feelings. My own mother went home to Jesus 7 years ago. It is a time for sorrow mixed with great joy.

When a graveside service follows a funeral service, I try to keep it brief, usually remarking that "We have come as far with our sister as we can—for now, but this is not the end" or words to that effect. Then, I would read either 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 (my preferred text) or 1 Corinthians 15:51-58. As some else has suggested, speak to the unsaved in the service and to the saved at the grave. Seek to give comfort and hope at this point.

Posts 9947
George Somsel | Forum Activity | Replied: Wed, Jun 8 2011 1:24 PM

Jack Caviness:
It is a time for sorrow mixed with great joy

Jack has touched on an important point.  Though we mourn, we mourn for ourselves and not for the dead.  We mourn that we have lost their presence. 

MJ stated she thought milkman was female.  I don't think so any more than someone should think I am a female because I use a photo of my granddaughter as my avatar.  I toyed with the idea once that Milkman was female, but I dismissed the idea for other reasons.

george
gfsomsel

יְמֵי־שְׁנוֹתֵינוּ בָהֶם שִׁבְעִים שָׁנָה וְאִם בִּגְבוּרֹת שְׁמוֹנִים שָׁנָה וְרָהְבָּם עָמָל וָאָוֶן

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