MJ's communication style
Okay, I have been called condescending and confrontational one too many times. Try as hard as I can, I can rarely see why offending posts are taken that way. So I am going to explain a bit of how my communication style arose.
First, in IT I was always given the problematic clients because of my ability to make them feel heard. Second, for a decade and a half I coordinated all the lay liturgical ministers - ushers, musicians, lectors, altar servers (adults and youth), lay worship leaders ... I had the position because of my ability to communicate and listen carefully .. and judge when to get a priest involved. Nonetheless, I am innately a recluse not a social being.
Second, my family has it's own communication style ... think of two generations with four autistic children (one pre-verbal), one cerebral palsy person using a communication board, one blind cerebral palsy person living independently, one profoundly disabled child whose day consists of beating his head against the wall and playing with red strings, six with learnings disabilities of various types, one severely delayed speech, one serious mental illness ... and 5 adults either in the ministry or in social service organizations. Or, on the flip side, my parents had twice as many unrelated grandchildren as related grandchildren because each of my generation raised multiple children who were not their own by birth. And we ended up featured in a sermon about family after an ex-daughter-in-law's current husband called to ask if he and his Mother could come to Thanksgiving dinner even if the ex-daughter-in-law couldn't make it. In short, it's a family you can join but not leave. Now notice the number of people for whom communication must be straight forward, precise, without complex emotions or implications. Example: the wise teacher who cut out paper circles for the children to sit on so one of the autistic boys could understand "circle time" ... you sit on your circle and listen.
My point: I never am deliberately condescending or confrontational but I am accustomed to speaking with people overly literal understandings, with having to speak in a manner to engage a pre-verbal autistic teenager and a retired college prof. I am use to trying multiple times to have my point understood. I am used to being defensive in protecting the rights of all the various quirks of family members, of demanding that they are respected as people ... especially when people seem blithely unaware that their experience is not everyone's experience and, therefore, fail to see that what they personally want is not necessarily what is best for Faithlife users or company in general. If that rubs you the wrong way, so be it.
On the other hand, if I do word something in a way that gives offensive, please let me know precisely what may be taken in a way I did not intend. Logos forums represent a segment of society I have little interaction with outside the forums. I am very aware that American evangelical speech is a foreign language to me.
Orthodox Bishop Alfeyev: "To be a theologian means to have experience of a personal encounter with God through prayer and worship."; Orthodox proverb: "We know where the Church is, we do not know where it is not."
Comments
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Hi MJ.Thanks for bearing your heart with us.
What you share with us is always helpful, even when you’re crusading for us to open our eyes to something more than we already see. I have learned from both your content and approach.
With gratitude, Allen.
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I second Allen's beautifully composed post!
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I would say amen to this.
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Allen Browne said:
Hi MJ.Thanks for bearing your heart with us.
What you share with us is always helpful, even when you’re crusading for us to open our eyes to something more than we already see. I have learned from both your content and approach.
With gratitude, Allen.
[Y]
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[Y]
Gold package, and original language material and ancient text material, SIL and UBS books, discourse Hebrew OT and Greek NT. PC with Windows 11
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MJ. Smith said:
I am used to being defensive in protecting the rights of all the various quirks of family members, of demanding that they are respected as people ... especially when people seem blithely unaware that their experience is not everyone's experience and, therefore, fail to see that what they personally want is not necessarily what is best for Faithlife users or company in general. If that rubs you the wrong way, so be it.
There's a lot of truth and value to that. But my perspective, as periodically voiced, is that star-people shouldn't be fronted by the organization (FL), which sleepily struggles to communicate with its customers. It's not fair by FL to watch star-people act as lightning-rods, and then passively sit back until the soup boils over. Yesterday, an advertising post ... who wants tto impose FL's own policies?
That said, I DO wish you were more forthcoming in how the Catholic side of the house approaches things (smiling). As bizarre as that sounds (already, liturgy-based, multiple traditions, and more!), I remain hopeful Verbum can demonstrate that religious aids are more than database display engines. It would really help the 'other' side of the house.
"If myth is ideology in narrative form, then scholarship is myth with footnotes." B. Lincolm 1999.
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Wow, MJ! I for one have always appreciated your communicational clarity and charity along with your technological knowledge and wisdom (what little I can grasp). Thanks for sharing how you came to accept and develop those gifts. The peace of Christ be with you.
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I also have appreciated MJ's posts which have, over the years, been extremely helpful. We all have our disagreements and quirks, and we all can always improve on the way we communicate with others. The goal is always hopefully to display more of the character of Christ. Not an easy task. Just want to add my voice of appreciation to MJ and her interactions with us all on this forum.
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I have always wanted to meet you MJ. I would love to have a sincere discussion with you. I've always felt that you could present your position on any topic with sincerity and tact. We come from different traditions, but I have never felt that you are condescending or confrontational. Also, your picture looks very much like a young lady I knew years ago in high school. As you can see from the others in this thread you are well thought of. Keep up the good work and keep smiling.
Soli Deo Gloria,
Randy
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On the rare occasions we seemed to be at odds, I just reminded myself that nuance doesn't always carry across well in forum posts. There's nothing that would make me think you consistently acted, in a contentious way.
WIN 11 i7 9750H, RTX 2060, 16GB RAM, 1TB SSD | iPad Air 3
Verbum Max0 -
I've been here for quite awhile, mostly silent from the balcony and I have to say I appreciate your communication style. I gravitate to your answers for the clarity it brings. Your answers and posts have enriched my Logos experience and knowledge in general. I thank you.
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Dawn S. said:
I gravitate to your answers for the clarity it brings. Your answers and posts have enriched my Logos experience and knowledge in general. I thank you.
I'm very much agreed on this point. I regularly will click to recent posts by MJ precisely because I know they will be of value.
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Wonderful example of how getting to know someone can help us give them the benefit of the doubt and assume the best rather than worst intentions to their communication and actions (which we should do even if we don't know them well!).
We're all prone to assume bad intentions where none exist, because we're different, would have said/done it differently, and don't fully understand the personality and experiences of the one communicating.
This is a great reminder that there's almost always a good explanation for why we are the way we are and how we should lead with charity as we interpret the communications and actions of others (1 Cor 13:7).
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Kevin Clemens said:Dawn S. said:
I gravitate to your answers for the clarity it brings. Your answers and posts have enriched my Logos experience and knowledge in general. I thank you.
I'm very much agreed on this point. I regularly will click to recent posts by MJ precisely because I know they will be of value.
[Y]
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From my perspective, MVP for MJ means Many Valuable Posts (MVP) as well as Many Volunteer Posts (MVP) = Much Appreciated [:D]
Keep Smiling [:)]
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MJ. You and Denise are both special to me. Your perspectives and vast knowledge are carefully rendered and add information that are novel and relevant. Being misunderstood is something that all minorities tend to have to deal with and struggle to overcome. I love you both. Continue to contribute your unique answers to Logos users without fear of rejection.Denise said:MJ. Smith said:I am used to being defensive in protecting the rights of all the various quirks of family members, of demanding that they are respected as people ... especially when people seem blithely unaware that their experience is not everyone's experience and, therefore, fail to see that what they personally want is not necessarily what is best for Faithlife users or company in general. If that rubs you the wrong way, so be it.
There's a lot of truth and value to that. But my perspective, as periodically voiced, is that star-people shouldn't be fronted by the organization (FL), which sleepily struggles to communicate with its customers. It's not fair by FL to watch star-people act as lightning-rods, and then passively sit back until the soup boils over. Yesterday, an advertising post ... who wants tto impose FL's own policies?
That said, I DO wish you were more forthcoming in how the Catholic side of the house approaches things (smiling). As bizarre as that sounds (already, liturgy-based, multiple traditions, and more!), I remain hopeful Verbum can demonstrate that religious aids are more than database display engines. It would really help the 'other' side of the house.
Meanwhile, Jesus kept on growing wiser and more mature, and in favor with God and his fellow man.
International Standard Version. (2011). (Lk 2:52). Yorba Linda, CA: ISV Foundation.
MacBook Pro MacOS Sequoia 15.2 1TB SSD
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Phil Gons (Faithlife) said:
Wonderful example of how getting to know someone can help us give them the benefit of the doubt and assume the best rather than worst intentions to their communication and actions (which we should do even if we don't know them well!).
We're all prone to assume bad intentions where none exist, because we're different, would have said/done it differently, and don't fully understand the personality and experiences of the one communicating.
This is a great reminder that there's almost always a good explanation for why we are the way we are and how we should lead with charity as we interpret the communications and actions of others (1 Cor 13:7).
Amen to all of this. (1 Cor 16:14).
“The trouble is that everyone talks about reforming others and no one thinks about reforming himself.” St. Peter of Alcántara
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MJ, thank you for your massive forums on the forum. I can tell by the way you write that you put in a continuous effort to communicate with clarity....You bump up other people's issues; thanks!!!
I read your posts to see what I can learn. At times, you answer questions I did not know to ask.
I believe your comms are in the sweet spot needed to elucidate information. Please do not stop.
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We love and appreciate you, MJ. I rarely post but I read often and I learn much because you are willing to share your knowledge. I know some of your posts must take time to compose and I am grateful for the effort you put into them.
Kaye
"But you, be sober in all things, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry." 2 Timothy 4:5 (NASB)
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MJ,
I have been around Logos since 2001. And admittedly, I am more of a Forum reader/studier than a poster. One of the first people I look to discover posts and responses is YOU. You are always clear, straightforward, and helpful. You seek to moderate discussions so that everyone feels comfortable to speak and is allowed to express his/her views (whether considered heretical or adversarial by others or not).
Though some are not confortable with being addressed in such a straightforward manner or feel threatened by you addressing offenses, I am appreciative. I have observed your willingness to learn and to grow in not only your understanding of the Word and the software but also in dealing with the broader evangelical community.
Thank you for being here for us and for your transparency in this.
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MJ. Smith said:
my communication style
Interesting.
I've always found you to be, if I may, "helpfully blunt." Once I figured out you are you, it didn't bother me any more. And had the communication been in person, doubt I'd have ever been bothered. You are at a disadvantage by being limited to a forum-style of communication.
It is what it is, and in a postmodern culture where the intent of the author carries little weight but the emotions of the reader are sacrosanct, you'll probably have to continue to deal with some criticism. But it won't be from me!
I appreciate all your help over the years, and a big reason my sig line has what it has is because of that.
Carry on.
Eating a steady diet of government cheese, and living in a van down by the river.
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I always thought MJ and Denise were one and the same with just two different screen names 😂😂😂 I guess same religious and secular background can make two people sound almost identical. The secular part I could be mistaken, but I guess I read somewhere about computer backgrounds?
I can tell them apart now 👍😁👌DAL
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DAL said:
I always thought MJ and Denise were one and the same with just two different screen names 😂😂😂
Denise is someone I'm comfortable being confused with ... but to keep us separate here are a few clues:
- MJ is strictly Pacific Northwest with short sojourns elsewhere; Denise is farther south despite a sojourn in the PNW.
- MJ is a rancher's daughter; Denise's Dad was a preacher
- While MJ, Denise, and SuperTramp were all raised in the Stone-Campbell Movement, we each ended up in different theological traditions.
- MJ has ties to South Asia; Denise (and SuperTramp) have Japanese ties
- SuperTramp won the biggest family prize.
- and, yes, your memory that Denise and MJ share computer nerd-dom work history is accurate
Orthodox Bishop Alfeyev: "To be a theologian means to have experience of a personal encounter with God through prayer and worship."; Orthodox proverb: "We know where the Church is, we do not know where it is not."
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MJ. Smith said:
nerd-dom work history
In Finland it is said that we have a tradition that it is more important to be honest than polite.
Some software developers think it is a very good feature.
Hiding problems is not good in the software industry.
Gold package, and original language material and ancient text material, SIL and UBS books, discourse Hebrew OT and Greek NT. PC with Windows 11
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MJ. Smith said:
SuperTramp won the biggest family prize.
I do miss him. I think, from his struggles to overcome, while literally planning for his family's future. I remember folks needed to question his chosen forum name. Things that seemed important.
MJ. Smith said:Denise and MJ share computer nerd-dom work history is accurate
My impression is that we come to the party from opposite perspectives. MJ, from her years of experience, seems to look at the practicality of how you deliver value (design, production, bug management). It's an area I don't have expertise in, and one that demands considerable discipline over time. My perspective arrives from managing the interface between software design, and use. Poor design costs literally hundreds of thousands in training costs, error occurance with customers, and employee turnover issues. For today's Logos, the software should be transparent to its use ... spirituality, and helping fellow Christians.
Between us, I'd think a decent match-up (smiling). With MJ, the smart one.
"If myth is ideology in narrative form, then scholarship is myth with footnotes." B. Lincolm 1999.
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As one who has sometimes been accused of Spock-like communication, I can appreciate the OP.
"The whole modern world has divided itself into Conservatives and Progressives. The business of Progressives is to go on making mistakes. The business of Conservatives is to prevent mistakes from being corrected."- G.K. Chesterton
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Denise said:MJ. Smith said:
SuperTramp won the biggest family prize.
I do miss him. I think, from his struggles to overcome, while literally planning for his family's future. I remember folks needed to question his chosen forum name. Things that seemed important.
+1 [Y] miss Super Tramp and Milford Charles Murray
Keep Smiling [:)]
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Ben said:
As one who has sometimes been accused of Spock-like communication, I can appreciate the OP.
Indeed. There have been times where reactions to my comments took me totally by surprise because I never anticipated anyone would think I intended it that way. (The most embarrassing was when the theologian Giles Dimock OP thought I was personally attacking him). Perhaps my Aspergers sometimes keeps me from seeing implications that are obvious to other people.
WIN 11 i7 9750H, RTX 2060, 16GB RAM, 1TB SSD | iPad Air 3
Verbum Max0 -
I always read MJ's posts because they are helpful and knowledgeable. I do not find her condescending or confrontational, and I have been reading her posts for years now. I am glad she gives of her time to be of help on this forum.
"In all cases, the Church is to be judged by the Scripture, not the Scripture by the Church," John Wesley0 -
I don't even know what this is in regard to and I am rarely on here, but I have always enjoyed coming across something you have written. Some of us are more misunderstood than others. Compared to social media, these forums are a delight 99% of the time. God bless and keep you.[:)]
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